ahoyythereesailorr:

The reason that I can’t get a date is because I’m a mermaid and my father won’t let me date humans. 

(Source: legendoflindsey, via agirlnamedally)

annabanana-1:

"boys will be boys" is not an excuse or a justification or an explanation

gallows-calibrating:

one time I had this dream that I logged on to amazon and my account had like negative four trillion dollars because i accidentally bought the city of Paris

(Source: distractors, via bodiesinboxes)

roses are red
violets are blue
i like spaghetti
let’s go fuck